Betrayal From Within
Recovering From Loss – Of Anything
If you fight your instincts, if you resist change, you may be subconsciously denying reality. The damage can be huge, yet it can be avoided – at any point in time it can be stopped.
This post is about an experience of this type, a ten year journey to find the truth. It’s long enough to make a short story, but it needs to be as long in order to give context.
This story is real and a very big lesson, a ten year lesson in how people can destroy everything they work for, simply by trusting the wrong person. Things could be worse, but recovering from this on a high is my biggest achievement in over a decade.
I hope that it will help others follow their instincts, face the fear and overcome it with enormous enthusiasm for the future.
The Amazing Few Minutes of My Life
Earlier this year, in a short few minutes, I discovered that I had lost a whole lot of money (everything I had), I had lost a sibling that was a “father figure” and several members of the family – all in one go. It was the most amazing few minutes of the last ten years.
In fact, it was the most amazing few minutes ever.
I say amazing – because it was the turning point for a great future. It was not necessarily the best few minutes, but definitely the most life changing. Ten years of fighting instincts, be it because I was weak, or naïve – whatever the reason, it had become a vicious circle that needed to end.
Against all odds, I had previously built myself an independent and financially free life – completely separate from my messed up family. I had my own circle of friends, colleagues and business contacts in my own space: London and Paris. I had become very successful in my line of work and didn’t need to rely on anyone. In fact, even as a teenager, I was earning and independent – although for many of those years, I was stuck – unable to escape “home”.
Having gained this independence, I then made the mistake of mingling with siblings. Three brothers I had stayed away from and visited only a few times a year, yet suddenly I grew closer as the eldest of them married a woman who was very friendly and caring. She was like the sister I never had. I grew even closer when they were having a baby. The attachment was especially strong as it was the first baby in the family.
In order to see my new little nephew, I ran along like a needy little girl every time I could get myself invited. Even though in reality, I didn’t need anything, I just wanted to love and be loved, by family.
During the pregnancy, my eldest brother who had been somewhat a “father figure” was running into business trouble as his company of about 15 employees suffered from the financial crises. His company was shrinking with the economic climate back in 2002/3. He needed help.
The hard times were coming as my high paying contract had come to an end and finding new contracts was suddenly a challenge. I was making plans to handle it by putting my flat onto rent and re-mortgaging it whilst I looked for tenants.
Unfortunately, just as it re-mortgaged, my brothers’ eyes were on the money. As far as I was concerned, in his time of trouble, I was going to help. He begged to borrow a huge amount from me. Naturally, I gave him the help but unfortunately, I gave him all I had – he could do with no less. In exchange, he promised to pay back and look after the monthly bills in the meantime. Unfortunately I lent a whole £170,000. Fortunately I got tenants in soon.
However, this left me without a place to stay. I contacted my brother for the help he had promised, to no avail. I was suddenly homeless and unable to pay the monthly bills!
After many attempts to contact my brother (the now “failed father figure”) I had no choice but to move into the home of my friends. My soul mate had come to my rescue. Slowly my confidence and self-esteem was being beaten down. This was not planned at all; I had totally failed…myself.
I had been taken for granted and dumped. My parents and younger brother felt the strain as they realised what had happened. They tried to take this up with the brother and ended up facing the same promises I had received – all the while, knowing nothing will come of it. My younger brother promised me that the only response I will get is that I am owed nothing. It didn’t sound logical. There may not have been a written agreement, but everyone knew and had heard it directly – money, lots of money had been borrowed from me and my brother had promised to pay it back. My dear younger brother said he had no clue how, but the answer WILL remain “you are owed nothing”, somehow.
Breaking the Cycle
Late in 2012 I decided that I needed to change something. I had already been working hard but the income simply wasn’t making up for losses and wasn’t the amount it actually should have been.
It was like I was being held back even though I was always bursting with enthusiasm, willing to take on the world and go the extra mile on anything and everything. Somehow, things were still not where they should be. Not in my personal life, and not in my professional life.
It was good timing that I was having a hip operation, because this meant I would be forced to take time away from the normal busy day to day life of working hard. An operation of that kind leaves you a lot of time which although I was dreading, I knew I needed it.
I booked several personal development seminars and ordered many well-known books to read through and help me with moving forward. I had no idea how it will work, but one thing was for sure, I had decided: something had to work.
It is for this reason that I was grateful to have the resources to go to various seminars one after the other, ending with the Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within. I felt that this had to be the big one which changes things I thought – having done a lot of research on how Tony had in fact changed people’s lives. I am not saying this is always the solution, it simply matched my way of thinking and I believed. The build-up was perfect, and Tony’s event did the trick.
It took about one and half weeks after Tony’s event to think and take action. I found a way. What was it? It was to communicate with the big brother in writing. Text actually. This is because in verbal conversations the result had remained the same. If he could hear himself, it might change things and the only way to make certain of this is to do it all in writing. And so it began.
After all that… It took all of one text to get his real intentions out of him. His response was appalling to say the least. I had never imagined any of my brothers could
It was clear that actually, my brothers all have a big problem with their sister not needing them. They have a need to manipulate a situation to make it look as though they are supporting everyone, particularly the women. That includes mothers, wives, daughters and indeed sisters.
I am not sure what to call this… I cannot even call it the “Pakistani Way” – because generally, the Pakistani way involves truly taking care of family. I can only label this, the loser way.
Ten years of promises, conversation about the money borrowed and owed, ten years of running around looking after big brothers family issues, ten years of being misled later, I find, my younger brother was absolutely correct.
It was about 8 years in actually that I felt there is something wrong. I felt that there was some form of deception but I had no will power to let them go. I was far too attached to my little nephew and I was encouraged by my soul mate to give it time for my brother to sort out his own finances.
Two to three years spent feeling bad about asking, I no longer knew how to tackle the situation. It seemed everything was a lie, but I had no way to prove it. By this stage, I just needed to know the score and move on whatever the situation.
To tell you one side of the story is easy, but to be clear, my brother does have a view, all be it a messed up one. He felt the flat that he had sold me 10 or so years earlier was more valuable than the price given at the time. In fact, he felt that it was several hundreds of thousands more valuable. Of course there is no proof, nothing but the documents and valuations I have – and these state differently.
Naturally, we have had to go our separate paths.
The Lesson Learnt
The lesson really is about identifying dead wood in your life before you can do anything about it.
There is also the fact that if you fight your intuition, you are somehow being held back because of it. It works like a disease in your brain, eating you up inside every day and every night.
In this case, I held on because of my emotional tie to relationships that never existed, a child (my nephew) whose life I was never destined to be a part of and money that I would never see again.
The shame is, the money does not bother me as much as the other losses. It doesn’t even compare, however, the devastating confirmation of the financial loss seems to have created an enthusiasm, a power and drive I have not felt in over ten years.
I can only conclude that really, the sole loss of money (whatever the amount) or the loss of those relationships alone would not have been enough. Enough to ignite the power to take back control the way I have and for good.
It seems to me, regardless of my gained independence and success; unfortunately I still craved the love and family that never existed. I failed to face reality or change despite my instincts.
The steps I have taken will control what happens from here on in terms of how I choose to respond. These actions control what money hungry siblings can do to me or those close to me, which now, is nothing. Finally, I control what I decide my life to be.
The strangest part of this chapter in my life is that all I needed in the end was closure to get back up on my feet and start again. I could have continued to work hard but all the while I was aware I was being misled, I didn’t believe in myself. This ignorance of my intuition took away my self-belief and made me feel like a failure. The hard work was never going to pay off in this state. I needed to get my “grand plan” drive on – and it was simply the closure that made this happen.
Funny, the money can be made again, after all, I made it before, I am aware I will again and then some. Relationships however, the moment is now – you can’t get that moment back from the grave.
Thanks to the Millionaire Mind Intensive event, the ignorance I held was highlighted. All I needed then was a way. I needed to know for myself that hard action is required and it’s OK to do something about it. Thanks to Unleash the Power Within, I did.